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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22587859">Dave Strider User's Manual</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/achromaticBibliophile/pseuds/achromaticBibliophile'>achromaticBibliophile</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/botgal/pseuds/botgal'>botgal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Homestuck Unit Manuals [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Depression, Mentions of Violence, Shenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:20:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22587859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/achromaticBibliophile/pseuds/achromaticBibliophile, https://archiveofourown.org/users/botgal/pseuds/botgal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thank you for purchasing your HOMESTUCK UNIT from WHAT PUMPKIN, the purveyor of both our beloved webcomic and its various byproducts! You clearly have the capability to read, as well as order from our website {How else could you have gotten this?}, so its quite obvious which of the beloved little shits you’ve just had delivered to your door! The master of mixes, the unleasher of SICK FIRES, and the KNIGHT OF TIME, DAVE STRIDER is in the house! Or outside it at them moment, i don’t know if you’re the kind to read this sort of thing on your doorstep in the open with a huge ass package next to you. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But whatever, this dude can be a bit of a handful with his flashstepping ways and rambling conversations {dude’s got diarrhea of the mouth} so it’s highly suggested you take a peruse of this here manual before you crack that box open like its pirate booty ripe for the plundering.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Homestuck Unit Manuals [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dave Strider User's Manual</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Dave Strider User’s Manual</strong>
</p><p>Thank you for purchasing your HOMESTUCK UNIT from WHAT PUMPKIN, the purveyor of both our beloved webcomic and its various byproducts! You clearly have the capability to read, as well as order from our website {How else could you have gotten this?}, so its quite obvious which of the beloved little shits you’ve just had delivered to your door! The master of mixes, the unleasher of SICK FIRES, and the KNIGHT OF TIME, DAVE STRIDER is in the house! Or outside it at them moment, I don’t know if you’re the kind to read this sort of thing on your doorstep in the open with a huge ass package next to you. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But whatever, this dude can be a bit of a handful with his flashstepping ways and rambling conversations {Dude’s got diarrhea of the mouth} so it’s highly suggested you take a peruse of this here manual before you crack that box open like its pirate booty ripe for the plundering.</p><p>
  <strong>Legal Asscovering Agenda {Emma’s idea is sticking folks, let’s give it up for this WP employee!}</strong>
</p><p>So, just to lay down the ground rules and answer any moral/ethical questions one might have, all HOMESTUCK UNITS are homegrown, ecto-biology created individuals all capable of rational thought, expression of self and existence, and personality. No humans, animals, insects, plants, aliens, etc. were harmed in the making of these individuals and no mindscrewing of innocent individuals like a cheap sci-fi series occurred either. Not only do our units look like their comic counterparts, but they think and act like them as well! How we achieved this is waaay too technical and complex and frankly boring to describe so I’m just gonna say this: We did it, there was green slime involved, and now we have these guys. Look you can prostrate in front of us and weep tears of joy later, right now I have a manual to monologue while the fresh meat-I mean newest employee {I can see you rolling your eyes Emma} faithfully transcribes my words for your reading pleasure. <br/>This however doesn’t mean that your unit might not have a negative reaction to learning that they were created with the sole purpose of replicating their fictional persona from a webcomic {Last time we tried to explain the situation to a prototype...eh, that’s not important and nobody died so it’s fine. Yes Emma, I know our lab got wrecked and you were terrified, so were half of the other guys}. So when the time comes to have the sit down to explain the birds, bees, and ecto-biology machines to them, be patient, kind, and preferably in a situation where physical harm isn’t a concern. <br/>So yeah, back to the moral stuff so our lawyers are happy with us. While a majority of our beloved cast are around the 13 YEAR OLD marker, {or 6 SWEEPS OLD in the case of the TROLLS}, WP has taken the liberty to adjust the UNITS ages to a more appropriate and less creepy 21 years {10 SWEEPS}. This is in part due to unfortunate implications and situations that may arise with users interacting with our units, who would have been underaged individuals. Also in part  because it is really sketchy when you unbox a literal teenager from our shipping. It’s weird enough doing it to an adult, a kid makes it even more squiwcky. Don’t fret and wail at the thought of your problematic fav no longer being exactly how you envisioned them (they probably don’t as they are anyway), their personalities are unchanged and this age change has been done with both you and the unit’s favor in mind. It also allows the unit to have more freedom in their new life with you, such as driving a car, getting a job, going to Nickel Shot Night, ect. Oh yeah, your UNIT is totally capable of getting a job {Keeping it is another story…} if they so desire and can greatly assist you in the running of your household, but we nor you run slave labor so don’t be an ass. We’ll list out some possibilities for each in case you and your new chum decide to flip through the classifieds or troll around some sites one day. <br/>And since every single one of those damn shippers want to know, yes your UNIT has fully anatomical parts associated with their species and gender and NO we here at WP are not going to describe the intricacies of TROLL genitalia for you. What’s in their pants is their own business {unless they want to show you}. The normal rules of society still apply: no non-con touching, no groping, and no otherwise inappropriate touching or actions without their explicit consent. {Good luck trying to use coercion on any of them anyway, you HAVE read the webcomic right? These guys can get violent fast and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself}. However, romance waits for neither man nor troll and our UNITS are fully capable of developing feelings for others, whether it’s another UNIT, the people around them, and even you. {Another reason for the age up too}. They can be romanced if you so desire but we recommend that you wait on this until they learn the whole “You’re fictional constructs from a webcomic given life, blah blah blah” since that can be a breach of trust and lead to relationship issues galore {Jeez Emma this is getting boring can’t we skip to the good stuff? I’m sure the readers are thinking the same thing}.<br/>Good news folks, we’re just about done with all this legal asscovering according to Emma {and for once those were her words not mine!} and we’ll be right on the road shortly! Just remember:<br/>We here at WHAT PUMPKIN are not responsible for any BLOODSHED, MAIMING, MUTILATION, SICK FIRES, CHAOS, and/or SHENANIGANS that may occur with the purchase of our products! As the user of our amazing service, you’re responsible for the CARE, WELLBEING, and SAFETY of your UNIT and any failure to properly tend to them will lead to UNFORTUNATE IMPLICATIONS and even REMOVAL of your UNIT. Any and all DAMAGE that may occur to your, your property, and others will likewise be attributed to you. Now, onto the good shit! Take it away Emma! </p><p><strong>Unit Information </strong><br/><span class="u">Unit Name</span>: Dave Strider {Middle name may or may not be Elizabeth, we’re giving the fans what they want Emma.}<br/><span class="u">Additionally Answers To</span>: Cool Kid, D-Strider {Don’t call him <strike>Insufferable Prick</strike>, just ask the name suggestion bar how much he’d be chill with that}<br/><span class="u">Species</span>: Human {How many more times do we have to list this? ...Jade AND the Alphas?! Ugh!}<br/><span class="u">Classpect</span>: Knight of Time {Second, or third, verse same as the first, check out that hella sweet Settings section for more deets}<br/><span class="u">Age</span>: 21<br/><span class="u">Date of Birth</span>: December 3rd,1995<br/><span class="u">Pesterchum Handle</span>: <span class="dave"> turntechGodhead [TG] </span></p><p><strong>Your Unit comes with the following</strong><br/>One set of casual clothes {Scratched Record edition, of course}<br/>One pair of Ben Stiller Shades {No Strider is complete without an iconic, and lame, set of shades. Seriously these things touched Stiller’s gross, gaunt face. Oh, and these are iShades, minus that iconic since Apple has yet to deliver the goods or agree to partner with us. We clearly have superior tech nerds, don’t we Emma? But they Are tech nerds!} <br/>One Blush Puppet Tux {Otherwise known  best action pajamas ever.}<br/>One pair of Godtier PJs: Knight of Time edition<br/>One cellphone {And since this hasn’t been mentioned and legal has been hounding me like Copper from The Fox and the Hound chasing after Todd in the climax, WHAT PUMPKIN is not responsible for paying for phone plans for the UNITS. We’re giving you all these freebies with your UNIT, the rest of it is on you my dudes/dudettes, though we have generously given you month of it connection on our dime so you can get your plans in order.}<br/>One turntop laptop<br/>One broken katana {bit of a piece of shit but so iconic}<br/>One broken Caledscratch<br/>One sord… {Honestly, this thing is such a laggy piece of shit we should actually be giving you money for taking it off our hands.}<br/>One set of Timetables {Lets just say that for Dave to access his timey whimey powers, these are a necessary ingredient to the recipe for temporal distortion. Also great for playing actual records on it, you’re welcome folks.}<br/>One Polaroid camera and a stack of those photo thingies {Use them sparingly, those suckers are Expensive now. Seriously Emma, why is it when retro or hipster things go back into style they’re hella pricy even though the quality isn’t the best? Ah yes, our oldest enemy...CAPITALISM}<br/>Several jars of preserved dead things, chunks of amber with insects in them {Giving you some of Dave’s beloved collection, hopefully it will prevent him from dragging some roadkill into the house}<br/>A collection of various records and a mixer for additional beats {A Dave without the equipment to craft his phat beats and ill flows is a miserable Dave.}</p><p><strong>Unit Settings </strong><br/>Ironic Coolkid (Default)<br/>Dork (Default)<br/><strike>Insufferable Prick</strike><br/>Heroic<br/>Flustered<br/>Depressed/Paranoid (Locked)<br/>Trickster (Locked)</p><p>Anyone familiar with HOMESTUCK knows that Dave is the epitome of the IRONIC COOLKID. He’s the type to act glacially cool and chill {Titanic’s iceberg has nothing on this dude} and with more levels of irony than onions have layers. This allows him to stand ice cold under extreme pressure, frosty in times of social discomfort, and even remain unphased by the sight of Dead Dave’s {And trust me there’s been a LOT of them. How you ask? Refer to settings and the wiki folks.} However, this attitude can often lead to some communication issues and can sometimes be covering up some serious issues going on behind those glossy shades, so make sure to have a heart to heart when you can. No matter how much he cracks jokes about it, underneath all that cool kid attitude, he will be touched.<br/>Even with the previous setting, Dave is also a DORK. Not as much as JOHN EGBERT or JAKE ENGLISH, but it’s still there. Listen to him rap about his various interest, gushing in monotone about photography and dead stuff, and sway him into discussions about satirical literature and media. He’s also got an interest in paleontology so you may find it easy to bond with him over some National Geographic documentaries and historical stuff {If you’re a nerd, it’s a guarantee that you’ll get along great.} While Dave may try to handwave these passions, your opinion will greatly matter to him so be sure to be encouraging. <br/><strike>INSUFFERABLE PRICK</strike> is as stated, Dave can act like a major shit at times. Whether it’s because he’s jerking your chain, performing a rap mocking you, not expressing his real emotions and turning them into a joke, ect, Dave has the potential to be rude and hard to deal with. Of course, some of this is a defense mechanism due to his harsh upbringing and he could just be having a hard time connecting with you, causing him to act reflexively to the situation. Sit his ass down and talk through this like actual adults and hopefully this mood of his will turn up less.<br/>While Dave may deny it, dude's got a HEROIC quality about him for sure, rushing to the rescue his best pals regardless of the situation. Due to his ubringing, however, Dave has a negative opinion on heroes and doesn't see himself as one, so be his cheerleader and make sure to preach the virtues while avoiding to encourage martyrdom cause that shit don't fly. <strong>WARNING: </strong>Dave will fly to the rescue, which may put him danger of a HEROIC DEATH if he's not careful. You may require a LIFE PLAYER and be prepaired to have a WHAT PUMPKIN scolding for the incident. <br/>Usually something that only happens around one of Dave’s crushes {or with a very embarrassing, unknowingly sexual rap by you or someone else that will give Dave second-hand embarrassment}, FLUSTERED is pretty easy to identify. Check for signs of blushes under those black shades, over the top hand expressions to distract you from his face, even more rambling denying his levels of discomfort and/or perceived feelings towards the cause of his flustered state, ect. While it may be just easier and less awkward for you to tiptoe and retreat like an absolute coward, this won’t be healthy for either of you in the long run. Sometimes all you need to do is offer a willing ear and wait out his tsunami of verbal bullshit before you can start a healthier topic about his feelings. Having a ROSE LALONDE can be a help or hinderance with this mode, so play it by ear. <br/>DEPRESSED is what the word implies, with an unfortunate dose of PARANOIA leaking into it. SBURB takes its toll on people and had a huge one for Dave, due to all his time hopping, stress, and the multitudes of Dead Dave’s he’s seen through his misadventures {Let’s just say there were a LOT of Dead Dave’s and if you want clarification, I should just come to your stoop, nail like a bajillion pages of it on your door like a non-religious Martin Luther, and let you educate yourself. Or, ya know, READ THE WEBCOMIC.} Can’t really nail down what could be a precise trigger, but it could be from something as mundane as ketchup on the hands or thinking about it too hard. And with Dave’s abusive backstory, it’s not surprising he’d have some PARANOID tendencies to cope, whether it’s flash stepping around your home to avoid people or hiding food in various nooks and crannies as a precaution. Anyway, getting Dave out of DEPRESSED mode has a variety of ways to get him out of it, whether by having a deep convo with him, letting one of the other BETA KIDS chat with him {ROSE LALONDE is probably the best, as she has been his main confidant for years}, and even signing him up for a therapist. The last may be hard to do, but with encouragement he might just admit he needs the help. As for PARANOIA, well that shit sticks but you can help him in little ways to calm down, find your balance and things should improve. <strong>WARNING:</strong> Be careful to approach Dave when he’s in a PARANOID state, as while he’s likely to just avoid you, he’s just as likely to lash out with a ½ bladekind weapon of choice. WP is not responsible for any injuries or damage a startled Dave in the wild may cause.<br/>TRICKSTER mode is basically what happens when you take Blood On The Dancefloor’s song Candyland and personify it: a chaotic mess of flirtation, hijinks, and over the top energy bundled up in a brightly colored, energetic bundle. Not only will Dave get an outfit and color change, but this cool kid will be cool no more and letting out all the deepest feelings he’s kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox. It’ll be hella awkward for him once the sugar high quits, but until then, do your best to protect yourself from being infected and keeping his shenanigans on the minimum. <strong>WARNING:</strong> If the TRICKSTER setting lasts longer than 24 hours, please contact us at XXX-XXX-0413. </p><p><strong>Classpect</strong><br/>Okay, so hopefully is third time's the charm and you’ll retain all the info-dumping I’m about to unleashed from its dams and you won’t be swept downstream by the classpect knowledge {And if you’re still confused by my Classpecting for Assholes mini lecture, there’s no hope for you just go binge on the wiki or EXTENDED ZODIAC.} So, the class is a title and its respective role that is granted to a SBURB player that’s supposed to challenge them, while their aspect is a theme or concept that permeates the entire world, usually related to the personality or what someone yearns for.<br/>As stated in the intro, Dave is the KNIGHT OF TIME. Knights are those who defend others with or through their aspect, meaning they use their aspect in ways to protect those around them and often at personal sacrifice or in ways that negatively impact them. Knights additionally are confronted by their tendency to put up emotional fronts and barriers to those around them. Time obviously stands for temporal shit, but it also refers to inevitability {Like a ticking clock or countdown, hehe.} As such, Dave can use time for the purpose of defending people, such as the way he’s able to time hop from the future to the past. As cool as this sounds, it’s not all shits and giggles since keeping the timeline linear is a complicated mess and if it ever branches it off it can become doomed with the only way to bring it back ending up with dead Dave’s galore {So don’t be surprised if you find your Dave standing over an identical body, staring morosely at the blood on his hands.} So be cautious if you happen to see more than one Dave running around and try to not let the two come in contact/get too involved with one another, as your current Dave will likely have to run it back again to keep the timeline going smoother than god what else is smooth besides butter cause that’d be a Sticky situation {Get it? Oh come on Emma, would it kill you to laugh? And of course I had to make that Disney song reference, it’s too perfect and that movie was an underappreciated classic.} While Dave isn’t abusing it as often and may only use these powers in time of great need, it’s still advisable you try and help him work through things before they spiral into an even bigger shit show than Groundhog Day.</p><p><strong>Potential Jobs</strong><br/>Like most of the kids, Dave hasn’t had much experience in the workforce {Cause, ya know, he was too busy absconding from the apocalypse, playing SGRUB and creating a whole new universe}, but he does have some impressive skills that will surely make him a viable employee in particular fields. <br/><em>DJ</em><br/>It’s no surprise Dave is a fiend at the turntables and reading the atmosphere to drop the perfect beat onto the unsuspecting public. Crowds will weep tears of joy at the dope beats this cool dude will unleash upon them at the local club or venue {Which may or may not be endless rounds of What’s New Pussycat with a It’s Not Unusual Thrown in for ironic purposes when he’s not getting everybody’s groove on}. Just help him set up a website and bone up on current music trends and albums, and he’ll soon be booking events.<br/><em>Photographer</em><br/>Dave may claim irony for this hobby, but he’s got an eye for detail and the ability to catch the perfect moment {Or abuse Time powers over and over until he gets it right.} He’ll have to start small, of course, the old Polaroid won’t be enough to book him for weddings or bar mitzvahs, so it’s recommended you save up some coin before you spring for the more expensive toys. Working on a portfolio helps too, but we at WP are confident Dave will be snapping top-notch pics for sure. <br/><em>Paleontologist/Archeologist</em><br/>This one is going to take some time to build the credentials and experience up, but Dave has expressed an interest in digging up dead or old shit. While he may not be going around and digging up crap tones of old Statues of Liberties, Dave is still intrigued by discovering fossil and the different ways that environment and evolution could have shaped these long dead specimens {Also, he wants to expand his collection of weird preserved things in jars.} Its hella expensive to get the money for college, so you may have to set up a Dave Swear Jar for College fund as well as Dave getting a temporary job to raise the dough required, but it would give him a rare smile to get involved with such a passion. </p><p><strong>Unlocking Your Unit</strong><br/>Dave is kinda a light sleeper {or a paranoid one} so we recommend you actually follow one of our suggestions below to avoid getting a ½ Bladekind weapon stabbed in your gut. Not a good way to start off a new friendship ya know? {WHAT PUMPKIN is not liable for any injuries you acquire in waking your UNIT.}<br/><strong>Option 1</strong><br/>Pick up your microphone and rap! You are doubtlessly going to be horribly outclassed, with Dave arising from his cardboard prison and laying those ill beats on you, roasting you on everything from your clothes {Whack}, your hair {Whack}, while expressing his superiority by being Tight As Fuck. It’s still a great thing to witness and experience and it will surely put Dave in a good mood, though if you’re the type to be soft and a crybaby, it could lead to some awkwardness between you both. <br/><strong>Option 2</strong><br/>Break out some music to rouse the sleeping beast. It’s preferable if you have some records, though just from your computer or phone is fine too. Depending on your taste in music, Dave will climb outta the box and either compliment you on the tunes or offer lots of criticism {More than likely and accompanied by a rap}. Hopefully it will get the ball known as friendship rolling and you’ll end up chatting about discography and music with Dave perhaps breaking his own turntables up to get the jam session started. <br/><strong>Option 3</strong><br/>Offer to take him to Olive Garden. Dave is a slut for breadsticks and will eagerly, but stoically, emerge to join you for a dinner {Or lunch, IDK what timezone you’re in or when mail gets delivered}. Hopefully in between inhaling breadsticks and maybe some actual food, you and Dave can get some bonding in as well.</p><p><strong>Relationships with Other Units<br/></strong>This cool dude has quite the posse and we've taken the time to outline some of the conditions of these relationships, so you should know the pitfalls and challenges that may arise when Dave hangs out with additional UNITS. {Check out our newly updated categories between our different UNIT lines, which will be periodically updated with each new manual introduced.}</p><p><em>Humans</em><br/><strong>John Egbert </strong><br/>A great bro and friend, John is one of Dave’s tightest pals and the pair find one another cool, despite their constant ribbing on one another. John is one of the few that can influence Dave as well, such as messing with him regarding the contents of an innocent container of apple juice, and Dave seems to hold John’s opinion quite highly. Dave does have/had a bit of a crush on John, although after three years apart this seems to have died down a bit {Given the presence of a certain shorty mc-shouty fuckass, this may have had something to do with it.} Regardless of past feelings, unspoken or acknowledge, Dave cares about John and enjoys hanging out with him, so pop in some shitty B listers or break out some old video games and controllers, prep some popcorn, and join in on a great film debate between the two.<br/><strong>Rose Lalonde</strong><br/>The snarky broad of the Beta Kids group, as well as Dave’s ecto-biology sister, and boy do these two act like siblings, with the two of them constantly trading barbs and teasing one another about their various odd quirks and habits. There might be some goofy sibling moments, but these two do care about one another and Dave has expressed some concern for her previous drinking problems with her likewise considering him genuinely cool beyond his pretentious façade. Should you have a Rose or receive her at a later date, be prepared for a series of sibling one-uppings and metric tons of teasing, but a genuine happiness for a reunion.<br/><strong>Jade Harley</strong><br/>Jade is the adorable ball of energy of the Beta Kids and was Dave’s server player in-game, which resulted in a lot of convos and bonding. Even prior to this SBURB nonsense, they two were great friends, Dave showering her with various music he makes and even making a fursona {for supposedly ironic purposes} to roll play with her. They goof around a lot as a result, even if he can be a little put off by her silliness. It’s a bit obvious that Dave has had a crush on Jade, and the fact his doomed timeline and eventual kernal-sprited self dated her at one point does not help, which could lead to some awkwardness between the two. However, relationships with a feathery orange alternate version of someone will not destroy friendship and you’re sure to see these two having a ball.<br/><strong>Jane Crocker</strong><br/>There’s been little canon interaction between Dave and Jane, although he has commented that she’s John’s “hot mom” much to his own embarrassment after the fact {Ah Dave you dumbass bi/pansexual. And I mean this in the most endearing way possible Emma.} They’d probably get along like a house on fire, especially if Dave ends up being Jane’s taste tester. Let Dave eat cake and be happy {Emma’s words and I have to agree.} and get a new pal.<br/><strong>Jake English</strong><br/>As with Jane, there hasn’t been too much interaction between these two, since at the time of their initial meeting, Jake was kinda spacing out all by his lonesome overwhelmed by a shit ton of stuff {Which we’re not getting into.}while Dave comments how the former reminds him of a quieter John. Dave has expressed interest in chatting and getting to know Jake, so if you can get these two situated and Jake in a talkative mood, these two should be able to shoot the breeze and get the human emotion of friendship blossoming. <br/><strong>Roxy Lalonde</strong><br/>Oh boy look out! Roxy Lalonde is in the house and ready to hang with her cool ecto-bio son. Roxy and Dave have some good interactions in canon, with Roxy finding him adorable despite the occasional Freudian slips and his tendency to ramble. Likewise, Dave admires and enjoys chatting with her, despite being a bit cagey with some of her questions but as he grows with confidence he’ll be more likely to be more honest with her. Although expect a lot of slip ups calling her mom at times, though she has no problem with it. They’ll soon get along like a house on fire with no fire station in sight to quell the flames of friendship.<br/><strong>Dirk Strider</strong><br/>Whelp, time to unleash the daddy, or bro, problems folks, cause Dirk-y boy here is not only Dave’s ecto-biology poppa but he’s also the Scratched version of his Bro. So...I’m gonna assume you know the deets about Bro {If not, webcomic and wiki.} so not gonna touch too much about Dave’s headspace and conflicting emotions about him. Lets just say Bro wasn’t the best guardian and resulted in a lot of negative actions, thoughts, and more that haunt Dave to this day with him unconsciously tending to project onto Dirk. He is able to see Dirk as his own person, though, and they do hash some stuff out in comic so it’s safe to say these two, while not yet bros, are on the way down the idyllic road of friendship. Expect rap battles, ironic discussions and conversations, and more when these two hang out and, if you’re lucky, you can end up chilling with these them as well. </p><p><em>Trolls</em><br/><strong>Karkat Vantas</strong><br/>I’ve been waiting for the chance to update this here section once Karkat’s manual dropped into the reader’s hands. Let’s get the Davekat warship floating in the sea of ships. Anyway, initial interaction between these two were limited save a rant prohibiting sloppy makeouts between trolls and aliens dripping with sarcasm and insults. Luckily, they stopped bashing heads during the three years they spent together rocketing on a meteor hauling space rock ass towards a new session to escape the Scratch. Without their previous conflict over TEREZI PYROPE {Too busy being Scourge Sisters again} they instead bonded over movie nights, playing with the Mayor in Can Town, and just having a moment to breath after their experiences within their respective games. Got to let dumb teenagers have a moment to themselves to be dumb teenagers, ya know? This all lead to a very chill relationship between Dave and Karkat, the pair becoming good friends that will lead to a excited {Think very calm, collected and soon to become flustered looks getting greeted with explosive ranting} reunion between the pair and resume their hangouts and broship as though the pause button was never hit. Now, as I implied earlier, Davekat is getting the Huss seal of approval here {As well as the Mayor guarantee and seriously that’s even higher than my own} although Dave still has conflict over the concept of sexuality and the stigmas that human society has over it {And emotional vulnerability is something Dave has never been comfortable with}, but Dave has implied his feelings towards a certain dude {Of which he was one of two during the meteor, not counting GAMZEE MAKARA cause we’re not counting the clown right now} to both JOHN EGBERT and DIRK STRIDER. Regardless of whether or not these two are going to hook up once they’re in your house, they’re still wonderful friends and bros, able to level with one another in ways that are impossible to with others and will always appreciate the other’s company. </p><p>{We at What Pumpkin would like to add that, should future lines of UNITS be developed and make it to the market, we will send an updated version of the Relationships with Other Units sections to further outline their bonds if they are individuals your UNITS have interacted with. If they haven’t, well then you’re screwed and are going to have to watch how that weird shit plays out.}<br/> <br/><strong>Troubleshooting</strong><br/>As per usual, we’re including some common problems and answers to said issues that may occur with your Dave. <br/><strong>Dave hasn’t been talking a lot to me lately and he keeps going up to the roof, constantly jittery and jerking back when I try to talk to or touch him. </strong><br/>Whelp, afraid that’s the result of Dave’s PARANOID setting. Stuck reliving his trauma from an abusive childhood and the depressing moments from SBURB, including all the various times he’s seen a Dead Dave, Dave’s on such constant vigilance that Mad Eyed Moody would be like, whoa man take a chill pill. The roof is a familiar setting to him and it's wide open space means he can see any threat approaching. He’s extremely sensitive to sudden sounds and movement, so make sure to go slow and give him a heads up when you’re doing stuff. Like a spiked up hedgehog, he’ll defend if approached so give him his distance but offer your presence if he feels up for a feelings jam. If you have any of the other BETA KIDS UNITS or even a ROXY LALONDE, they’ll be of great help to calm him down. A DIRK STRIDER may be useful, but given his heavy resemblance to BRO, it may cause more harm than good so use it as a last resort. Contacting an actual therapist may also help, just lend a sympathetic ear if you don’t have access.<br/><strong>My Dave took over a small closet/bathroom and he keeps going into it at odd times of the day and night. He refuses to tell me what he’s up to and hiding something under his shirt. Should I be concerned?</strong><br/>Ooh man should you ever. It’s obvious what this is. The commandeering of a secluded part of the house/apartment/cabin-in-the-hellmurder-woods/IDK, the utter secrecy of his actions, the hidden object, that unsettling feeling as though you’re being watched, a sudden flash of light before a covert flash step away...I’m just messing with you, Dave’s made a darkroom in your place and he’s just being shy about the photos he’s developing. You’re in the safezone, besides some likely embarrassing candid pics and “ironic” selfies he’s taken. Once he feels confident with his work, he’ll be more open to showing you them. {Aww come on Emma that was funny! Really puts them on the edge.}<br/><strong>Dave keeps getting weirded out by my ventriloquist and puppet collection. What can I do?</strong><br/>Prep a bonfire and burn those things. Or sell them on E-Bay if they can fetch some coin. Dave will never admit it, but he’s absolutely terrified of puppets due to Lil Cal {Less said about him the better.} Also why the hell would you have a ventriloquist puppet? Have you NOT read R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps about Slappy? Those dolls are the satanic lovechild of Annabelle and a creepy no-headed mannequin if the two got shitfaced and went on a round of nasty, terrifying puppetry love. Honestly, even if you DON’T own a Dave, just get rid of those things will you. You’ll thank me later. </p><p>The WHAT PUMPKIN Troubleshooter Officer, Luis {New official title in addition to Head of Ecto-Biological Research and Development. See, aren’t I being nice Emma? No I’m not giving him a raise just yet, I want to make sure this actually works first. Huh, now that could be an idea Emma, put that on the to-do list and see if we can get it all set up once we wrap the Alphas up}, can be reached at XXX-XXX-0413 at any time of day. Lay down any of your questions for him and he’ll be able to walk you through whatever issue may have. <strike>Maybe.</strike></p><p><strong>Final Words</strong><br/>As always, thank you for your support of our wonderful company with your purchase of the DAVE STRIDER UNIT. There’s many fun-filled hours hanging out with the Knight of Time and we hope your bromance {Or sibmance or just friendship in general I guess} is as strong as the weapons Hephestus forges. Just don’t be a huge walking tool to him, and I can guarantee you’ll be best buds, performing raps in no time with one another. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dave is done~ Just one more Beta to go before moving onto the next phase of kids! As always, thanks for botgal for all the advice and help. Kudos and comments are always welcome.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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